{"id":11833,"date":"2019-05-08T18:05:08","date_gmt":"2019-05-09T01:05:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/?p=11833"},"modified":"2019-05-08T18:05:09","modified_gmt":"2019-05-09T01:05:09","slug":"bye","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2019\/05\/08\/bye\/","title":{"rendered":"Bye!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

By The Animal Kingdom May 7, 2019 (theonion.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"The
The Animal Kingdom<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

So you\u2019ve probably heard about the new report saying human-caused climate change is putting about a million different species of animals and plants at risk of extinction, and we just wanted to pop on over and say that it\u2019s true, a lot of us are on our way out the door.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bye!
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seriously, look at the time! We can\u2019t believe it\u2019s been hundreds of thousands of years already! That\u2019s a pretty long time, when you think about it, and you can\u2019t go on coexisting as humans and animals on the same planet forever. And you know what they say: It\u2019s better to burn out than to fade away. We\u2019re gonna take our cue here and get out of your hair pretty soon. So arrivederci, and adios!
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve had some really good times, us and you humans. Who can forget the crazy days of the Pleistocene epoch? Sure, the Ice Age was no picnic, but it was honestly pretty great later on hanging out and watching y\u2019all evolve. We\u2019ve had this whole symbiotic thing going where animals and Homo erectus<\/em> could live side by side. Over the years, we\u2019ve gotten to migrate with you as you\u2019ve moved around and really had a chance to find ourselves and flourish in new places. It was paradise. It would\u2019ve been awesome if life could\u2019ve stayed that way forever, you know?
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re not trying to flake or anything, believe us. Look, you guys are obviously busy with your machines and your wars and your relentless pursuit of profit. Sometimes, people and animals grow apart. And that\u2019s okay. We\u2019ve always been pretty chill with what you guys are doing, so don\u2019t worry, it\u2019s totally cool. A flourishing ecosystem that supports all of Earth\u2019s creatures isn\u2019t going to be everyone\u2019s thing. It\u2019s your habitat now, after all, and you\u2019ve been gracious hosts to us for a long time. So thanks!
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since we\u2019ve got you here, we do want to mention that it hasn\u2019t been all fun and games. If we\u2019re being honest, we\u2019re still not totally keen on poaching, pollution, zoos, deforestation, or raising us in terrible conditions for the express purpose of slaughtering and eating us. Those things are kind of a buzzkill. Don\u2019t get us wrong, we\u2019re not trying to be overly critical, since you obviously have your reasons. We just wanted to get that off our chests before we get going.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, it\u2019s sort of weird you breed some of us as pets. Just saying.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do we wish we could stick around longer? Sure, a little. When the dodo peaced out back in the late 1600s, we were like, really? Already? The party\u2019s just getting started! But now when we look around\u2014the oceans are heating up, the food\u2019s running out, and most of our natural environments are gone\u2014we wonder if maybe the dodo was right to take off when it did. The vibe is<\/em> getting kinda weird in here. Not that the last couple hundred years of rapid industrialization have been all bad for us, but let\u2019s just say the Earth\u2019s not quite as fun for us as it used to be.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We don\u2019t want to belabor our departure\u2014no one likes a guest who overstays their welcome\u2014so we\u2019ll just do a quick soundoff of who\u2019s heading out soon so you can say a quick toodle-oo: the Bengal tiger, Amur leopard, hawksbill sea turtle, Chinese giant salamander, Javan rhinoceros, Sumatran rhinoceros, black rhinoceros, giant panda, vaquita, eastern gorilla, Sumatran orangutan, Borean orangutan, saola, gharial, Asian elephant, Philippine crocodile, Chinese pangolin, Malayan tiger, mountain pygmy possum, Andaman shrew, western swamp turtle, Philippine forest turtle, Ploughshare tortoise, Cross River gorilla, eastern lowland gorilla, saola, South China tiger, pika, giant otter, red wolf, Tasmanian devil, peppered tree frog, northern tinker frog, mountain mist frog, armored frog, Eungella torrent frog, Sumatran elephant, African wild donkey, Saiga antelope, giant muntjac, addax, bowhead whale, beluga whale, Balkan lynx, Asiatic cheetah, gloomy tube-nosed bat, Armenian whiskered bat, Hill\u2019s horseshoe bat, Thongaree\u2019s disc-nosed bat, Aru flying fox, central rock rat, pygmy hog, Gilbert\u2019s potoroo, Allan\u2019s lerista, Carpentarian rock rat, Kangaroo Island dunnart, Darwin\u2019s fox, Peruvian black spider monkey, the red wolf, spoon-billed sandpiper, Siberian crane, Bengal florican, regent honeyeater, orange-bellied parrot, great Indian bustard, sociable lapwing, white-billed heron, whooping crane, red-vented cockatoo, Himalayan quail, Hainan black-crested gibbon, Bulmer\u2019s fruit bat, Philippine naked-backed fruit bat, Fijian monkey-faced bat, Northern white-cheeked gibbon, indri, Andohahela sportive lemur, Manombo sportive lemur, Sahamalaza sportive lemur, all the other sportive lemurs, Celebes crested macaque, Pagai Island macaque, Sarawak surili, kipunji, hirola, tamaraw, wild Bactrian camel, white-rumped vulture, red-headed vulture, Indian vulture, slender-billed vulture, longcomb sawfish, Ganges shark, red-finned blue-eye, finless porpoise, squatina, northern river shark, Pondicherry shark humphead wrasse, orphan salamander, cloud forest salamander, Monte Escondido salamander, El Cusuco salamander, Zarciadero web-footed salamander, Cerro Pital salamander, blue whale, black-footed ferret, Yangtze finless porpoise, Zapotec salamander, and basically everyone from the wetlands.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re definitely missing a bunch who are just slipping out really quickly without saying farewell. We hope that\u2019s okay. You probably won\u2019t even notice they\u2019re gone! We\u2019re not all <\/em>leaving yet. Just a lot of us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By The Animal Kingdom May 7, 2019 (theonion.com) So you\u2019ve probably heard about the new report saying human-caused climate change is putting about a million different species of animals and plants at risk of extinction, and we just wanted to pop on over and say that it\u2019s true, a lot… Continue reading → <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11833"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11833"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11833\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11834,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11833\/revisions\/11834"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11833"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11833"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11833"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}