{"id":15472,"date":"2020-08-02T11:01:54","date_gmt":"2020-08-02T18:01:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/?p=15472"},"modified":"2020-08-02T11:01:56","modified_gmt":"2020-08-02T18:01:56","slug":"federal-agents-drive-3-hours-away-from-portland-before-realizing-abducted-protester-still-in-backseat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2020\/08\/02\/federal-agents-drive-3-hours-away-from-portland-before-realizing-abducted-protester-still-in-backseat\/","title":{"rendered":"Federal Agents Drive 3 Hours Away From Portland Before Realizing Abducted Protester Still In Backseat"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" src=\"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Onion8-1024x576.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-15474\" srcset=\"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Onion8-1024x576.jpeg 1024w, http:\/\/occupysf.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Onion8-150x84.jpeg 150w, http:\/\/occupysf.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Onion8-300x169.jpeg 300w, http:\/\/occupysf.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Onion8-768x432.jpeg 768w, http:\/\/occupysf.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Onion8-250x141.jpeg 250w, http:\/\/occupysf.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Onion8.jpeg 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption>Pretty woman working for a laundry service taking clothes in van to customers smiling while driving<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>July 31, 2020 (theonion.com)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ECHO, OR\u2014Cursing their inattention and debating whether they should turn around, several U.S. federal agents reportedly had driven three hours away from Portland Friday before realizing an abducted protester was still in the backseat. \u201cGoddamnit, how did we miss him?\u201d said federal agent Steve LaJoie to his partner after hearing muffled cries from a handcuffed man and registering that he must have been unconscious in the backseat of their unmarked vehicle for nearly 200 miles since the operatives had pulled out of Portland. \u201cShit, we hightailed it out of there so quickly we didn\u2019t even check the backseat. Hey, Dave, did you pick up this guy? I don\u2019t remember grabbing him and shoving him back there. Fuck, our ass is grass if we show up at headquarters with an abducted protester. Someone look online to see if anyone\u2019s posting about him going missing. There\u2019s only one, right? Check under the seats.\u201d At press time, the federal agents had decided to pull over at the next ditch and shoot him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>July 31, 2020 (theonion.com) ECHO, OR\u2014Cursing their inattention and debating whether they should turn around, several U.S. federal agents reportedly had driven three hours away from Portland Friday before realizing an abducted protester was still in the backseat. \u201cGoddamnit, how did we miss him?\u201d said federal agent Steve LaJoie to&#8230; <a class=\"continue-reading-link\" href=\"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2020\/08\/02\/federal-agents-drive-3-hours-away-from-portland-before-realizing-abducted-protester-still-in-backseat\/\"> Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr; <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15472"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15472"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15472\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15475,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15472\/revisions\/15475"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15472"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15472"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15472"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}