{"id":19283,"date":"2021-07-07T11:04:46","date_gmt":"2021-07-07T18:04:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/?p=19283"},"modified":"2021-07-07T11:04:48","modified_gmt":"2021-07-07T18:04:48","slug":"someones-gotta-occupy-afghanistan-grumbles-dick-cheney-shoving-firearms-into-suitcase","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2021\/07\/07\/someones-gotta-occupy-afghanistan-grumbles-dick-cheney-shoving-firearms-into-suitcase\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Someone\u2019s Gotta Occupy Afghanistan,\u2019 Grumbles Dick Cheney, Shoving Firearms Into Suitcase"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Friday 1:40PM<\/a> (theonion.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

WILSON, WY\u2014Following news that the military withdrawal had ramped up after U.S. troops pulled out of Bagram Airfield, former Vice President Dick Cheney was overheard Friday muttering \u201cSomeone\u2019s gotta occupy Afghanistan\u201d as he shoved a cache of firearms into a suitcase. \u201cIt\u2019s a dirty job, keeping those terrorists in line, but by God, I\u2019ll do it myself if I have to,\u201d said the 80-year-old former defense secretary, sticking a tactical knife into his ankle holster before placing C-4 explosives, grenades, and his travel neck pillow into a duffel bag. \u201cI should\u2019ve known this day would come. You think you\u2019re all hunky-dory, just set it and forget it over there, but then these assholes go and screw everything up. Now I have to call Condi [Rice], Colin [Powell], and Bob [Gates] and tell them to cancel their plans and come help me. Christ, I\u2019m getting too old for this shit. And where are my goddamn M16s? Well, it\u2019s like I always say: Don\u2019t send an army to do Dick Cheney\u2019s job.\u201d At press time, Cheney was reportedly cursing his late mentor Donald Rumsfeld \u201cfor taking the easy way out\u201d as he drew up battle plans to reinvade Afghanistan by himself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Friday 1:40PM (theonion.com) WILSON, WY\u2014Following news that the military withdrawal had ramped up after U.S. troops pulled out of Bagram Airfield, former Vice President Dick Cheney was overheard Friday muttering \u201cSomeone\u2019s gotta occupy Afghanistan\u201d as he shoved a cache of firearms into a suitcase. \u201cIt\u2019s a dirty job, keeping those… Continue reading → <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19283"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19283"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19283\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19286,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19283\/revisions\/19286"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}