{"id":5166,"date":"2017-06-08T15:16:44","date_gmt":"2017-06-08T22:16:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/?p=5166"},"modified":"2017-06-08T15:16:44","modified_gmt":"2017-06-08T22:16:44","slug":"indiana-becomes-fourth-state-ban-great-sex-theonion-com","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2017\/06\/08\/indiana-becomes-fourth-state-ban-great-sex-theonion-com\/","title":{"rendered":"Indiana Becomes Fourth State To Ban Great Sex (theonion.com)"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"image\" data-type=\"image\" data-image-id=\"57425\" data-rendered=\"true\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/images2.onionstatic.com\/onion\/5742\/5\/16x9\/800.jpg\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"detail-share\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"content-main-body\">\n<div class=\"content-text\">\n<p>INDIANAPOLIS\u2014Following the lead of Missouri, Oklahoma, and Georgia, the Indiana legislature Tuesday passed \u201cHB 1679: Prohibiting Sexual Intercourse Of An Excessively Pleasurable Nature,\u201d officially becoming the fourth state in the country to outlaw great sex. \u201cHere in Indiana, we have long believed that sexual activity should be brief, unexceptional, and performed in the most perfunctory of ways, and the landmark legislation we sent to the governor today embodies the traditional values that are so deeply ingrained in this state,\u201d said State Senator Mark Messmer in a morning news conference, explaining that any sexual relations in which the participants are mutually satisfied emotionally or physically would result in fines of up to $1,000, depending on how incredible the sex was. \u201cBy restricting sexual activity to seven minutes or less and banning all sexual positions within the state aside from the missionary position, this bold new law stands up for the passable, fairly mechanical sex that my fellow Hoosiers and I have long disinterestedly engaged in\u2014and that we will continue to disinterestedly engage in, provided we do so no more than twice per calendar month, as per the legally mandated limit.\u201d Messmer went on to say that he didn\u2019t anticipate any negative effects from the ban as nearly every Indiana resident was already in compliance with the new law.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>INDIANAPOLIS\u2014Following the lead of Missouri, Oklahoma, and Georgia, the Indiana legislature Tuesday passed \u201cHB 1679: Prohibiting Sexual Intercourse Of An Excessively Pleasurable Nature,\u201d officially becoming the fourth state in the country to outlaw great sex. \u201cHere in Indiana, we have long believed that sexual activity should be brief, unexceptional, and&#8230; <a class=\"continue-reading-link\" href=\"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2017\/06\/08\/indiana-becomes-fourth-state-ban-great-sex-theonion-com\/\"> Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr; <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5166"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5166"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5166\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5167,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5166\/revisions\/5167"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5166"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5166"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5166"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}