October 23, 2020 (theonion.com)
NEW YORK—Rattling off accusations of anti-Republican bias as he burst through her kitchen, President Donald Trump reportedly stormed back into his 60 Minutes interview Friday while Leslie Stahl was eating lunch at her home. “Well, well, well, classic radical left-wing news media—48 hours after my interview, and you’re already sitting at home and relaxing like it’s over,” said the 45th president of the United States, who, after ordering Secret Service agents to kick down the door to Stahl’s apartment, told her he “wasn’t done talking yet,” slapped a forkful of roasted brussels sprouts out of her hand, and launched into a rant about how unprofessional she was to be eating on the job. “Don’t interrupt me! You said a lot of nasty, inconsiderate things two days ago, and now I know exactly how I’m going to respond. Just wait until the public sees this—not only are you drinking wine, but you’re not wearing a mask or practicing social distancing. Now, you’re going to invite me to sit down, give me a plate of whatever you’re eating, and give me 15 more minutes, on my terms.” At press time, Trump reportedly made several unsuccessful attempts to flip the table and then stormed out after Stahl again pressed the president on his coronavirus response.