{"id":39457,"date":"2025-02-11T19:16:42","date_gmt":"2025-02-12T03:16:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/?p=39457"},"modified":"2025-02-11T19:16:43","modified_gmt":"2025-02-12T03:16:43","slug":"nixons-letter-to-elon-musk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2025\/02\/11\/nixons-letter-to-elon-musk\/","title":{"rendered":"Nixon’s letter to Elon Musk"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

From the Borowitz Report (February 9, 2025)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
ROBERT REICH<\/a> FEB 10, 2025 (robertreich@substack.com)<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Ernst Haas\/Hulton Archive\/Getty Images<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since his death in 1994, Richard Nixon has refrained from public comments. Today, however, he has broken his silence in a letter from Hell.<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Nixon offered TBR the exclusive right to publish his letter on one condition: that his expletives not be deleted.<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Dear Elon,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One thing people don\u2019t realize about life down here is that Satan has CNN playing around the clock. It\u2019s his way of ratcheting eternal torment up a notch. After a while, the spectacle of Wolf Blitzer claiming that something you\u2019ve already heard nineteen times is \u201cBREAKING NEWS\u201d makes the white-hot flames incinerating your body seem like a spa treatment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it should come as no surprise that I caught your Inauguration Day speech in all its fascistic glory. And let me say this: that was some fucked up shit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I realize that you didn\u2019t exactly grow up in the cradle of civil rights, but even by South African standards, that \u201cstraight-arm gesture,\u201d as the mainstream media politely called it, seemed a tad extreme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong: back in the day, no one was more racist than Dick Nixon. But I tried to be subtle about it. I said, \u201cI\u2019ve got a Southern Strategy.\u201d I didn\u2019t say, \u201cHey, let\u2019s suck off the voters who want to bring back slavery.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I\u2019d ever fired off two Nazi salutes like you did, those bastards at the Washington Post<\/em> would have had my head on a stick. (Excuse the dated reference\u2014there used to be a newspaper called the Washington Post<\/em>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And let me make one thing perfectly clear: I\u2019ve got no beef with Germans. When I was president, the White House was crawling with them. Haldeman, Ehrlichman, Kissinger\u2014my Cabinet sounded like the cast of a Wagner opera. Still, those Teutonic fruitcakes somehow managed to get through a public appearance without turning it into the Nuremberg Rally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know what you\u2019re thinking: of course Kissinger would never march around like an S.S. officer, because he was Jewish. Well, so is that sweaty weasel Stephen Miller, and that fucker seems to have gone straight from his bar mitzvah to the Hitler Youth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which raises another question: who the fuck is making the personnel decisions over there? I mean, no one despised Bobby Kennedy more than I did, but that commie never drove around with a whale\u2019s head on his Volvo like his idiot spawn did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But let\u2019s get back to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve probably deluded yourself into thinking you\u2019re the Second Coming of another Nazi who liked to fire off rockets: Wernher von Braun. Well, I knew Wehrner, and, believe you me, that sneaky Kraut did everything in his power to hide<\/em> the fact that he was a Nazi. When people at NASA asked him what he did during the war, he\u2019d say he wrangled heifers at a dude ranch in Montana.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think I\u2019m being too hard on you? Look, if all you were doing was planning Martian colonies and enjoying the occasional goose step, I\u2019d leave you be. But that jagoff Jake Tapper just informed me that you\u2019ve got a ragtag team of amateurs in DC breaking into places they don\u2019t belong. Why does that sound so familiar to me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark my words, fuckface: this won\u2019t end well. I\u2019ll keep a place warm for you down here. Very warm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yours,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dick<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From the Borowitz Report (February 9, 2025) ROBERT REICH FEB 10, 2025 (robertreich@substack.com) Ernst Haas\/Hulton Archive\/Getty Images Since his death in 1994, Richard Nixon has refrained from public comments. Today, however, he has broken his silence in a letter from Hell. Mr. Nixon offered TBR the exclusive right to publish… Continue reading → <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39457"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39457"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39457\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39460,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39457\/revisions\/39460"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39457"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39457"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39457"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}