{"id":42759,"date":"2025-07-21T12:49:16","date_gmt":"2025-07-21T19:49:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/?p=42759"},"modified":"2025-07-21T12:49:17","modified_gmt":"2025-07-21T19:49:17","slug":"white-house-officials-say-donald-trump-diagnosed-with-chronic-distract-from-epstein-scandal-itis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/2025\/07\/21\/white-house-officials-say-donald-trump-diagnosed-with-chronic-distract-from-epstein-scandal-itis\/","title":{"rendered":"White House officials say Donald Trump diagnosed with chronic \u201cDistract From Epstein Scandal-itis\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

3 DAYS AGO\u00a0by <\/em>CLARE BLACKWOOD<\/a>\u00a0(\u00a0@CLAREBLACKWOOD\u00a0<\/a>) (thebeaverton.com)<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WASHINGTON D.C. \u2013 Amid the ongoing rumours, lies, and coverups related to President Donald Trump<\/a>\u2019s relationship to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein<\/a>, White House officials called a press conference yesterday to announce that the president had just been diagnosed with the deadly \u201cDistract From Epstein Scandal-itis\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cWe are all praying for President Trump during this terrible time of extremely convenient illness,\u201d stated Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, mournfully stroking the three-foot cross hanging from her neck. \u201c\u2018Distract From Epstein Scandal-itis\u2019 is almost as painful as the lies the Clintons, the Obamas, and anyone who ever looked at the many pictures of him and Epstein havin\u2019 a real nice pedophile-y hangout together are telling the left wing media right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEach and every one of our thoughts, prayers, social media posts, and news<\/a> broadcasts should be focused solely on the president\u2019s new terrible affliction and absolutely nothing else,\u201d Leavitt continued, nodding at security to strap muzzles on every journalist in the press room who wasn\u2019t Tim Pool. \u201cBecause there IS nothing else. Definitely no rapist lists, that\u2019s for sure. Just lists of agonizing symptoms that will tragically limit the president from talking about anything to do with Jeffrey Epstein\u2019s mysterious death.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

White House chief physician Captain Sean P. Barbabella was quick to back up Leavitt\u2019s speech, giving a detailed description of the symptoms of the president\u2019s totally age-appropriate, legal, and consenting illness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDistract From Epstein Scandal-itis, or D.F.E.S., presents only when a president is under extreme duress from reporters asking why that president insisted that there was a list of evil child molesters for so long and then suddenly denied it ever existing,\u201d explained Barbabella. \u201cWhich is why I just can\u2019t understand why President Trump has come down with it, because he definitely didn\u2019t do any of that! What a scientific mystery!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSymptoms include posting insane rants on social media, yelling at their own supporters, completely forgetting about anything related to Epstein Island, and chronic pants-shitting.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At press time, Trump had just also come down with a bad case of \u201cRapid Amnesia Pertaining to Inevitable Sexcrimes Trials, or \u201cR.A.P.I.S.T.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

3 DAYS AGO\u00a0by CLARE BLACKWOOD\u00a0(\u00a0@CLAREBLACKWOOD\u00a0) (thebeaverton.com) WASHINGTON D.C. \u2013 Amid the ongoing rumours, lies, and coverups related to President Donald Trump\u2019s relationship to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, White House officials called a press conference yesterday to announce that the president had just been diagnosed with the deadly \u201cDistract From Epstein Scandal-itis\u201d…. Continue reading → <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42759"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42759"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42759\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42760,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42759\/revisions\/42760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42759"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42759"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occupysf.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42759"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}