Published: December 18, 2025 (TheOnion.com)
Jack Schlossberg, who is best known for his provocative social media presence and for being the grandson of John F. Kennedy, announced a run for U.S. Congress. Here’s everything you need to know about the Democrat.
Core Belief: Americans are sicker of gerontocracy than nepotism
Reason For Running: Bored
Dream Job: MrBeast
Role In Fraternity: Social chair
Notable Family Members: Cousin-in-law of Cheryl from Curb Your Enthusiasm
Signature Issue: Jack Schlossberg for Congress
Biggest Advantage: Born into one of the nation’s most powerful jawlines
Home District: TikTok Explore Page
Active Curses: Kennedy family, Ra, Bambino, Hope diamond
Backup Plan: President
