‘She’s Now Eating A Muffin In The Commissary,’ Posts Congresswoman Boebert Continuing To Livetweet Pelosi’s Location

January 15, 2021 (theonion.com)

WASHINGTON—Following her brief suspension from the social media platform, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) continued to livetweet House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s location Friday, posting “She’s now eating a muffin in the commissary.” “The Speaker has discarded the baking cup and is now pouring herself a cup of coffee—no, she’s going for tea,” reported Boebert, who shared minute-by-minute updates on Pelosi’s current whereabouts with her hundreds of thousands of right-wing followers, along with a series of blurry photos of the House speaker rummaging through a drawer for sweetener. “The Speaker has selected Splenda. Interesting, she usually goes for Sweet’N Low. She’s flicking the packet now. Oh, we’re on the move! The Speaker is walking down the hallway. We’re going fast now, I’d say five, six miles per hour. Update: the Speaker has broken a heel. She’s entered the bathroom! I repeat, the Speaker has entered the bathroom, and has barricaded herself inside a stall.” At press time, Boebert was standing on the toilet in the adjacent stall, attempting to clamber her way over the top.

Share This Item
Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *