Highlights Of The Democratic Primary Debate Day 2

Friday 12:25pm SEE MORE: DEMOCRATIC DEBATES (theonion.com)

Illustration for article titled Highlights Of The Democratic Primary Debate Day 2

On Thursday night in Miami, Democratic presidential candidates Michael Bennet, Joe Biden, Pete Buttigieg, Kirsten Gillibrand, Kamala Harris, John Hickenlooper, Bernie Sanders, Eric Swalwell, Marianne Williamson, and Andrew Yang participated in the second of two nights of the party’s initial primary debates. The Onion highlights the most important moments of day two of the Democratic primary debates.


Kamala Harris and Joe Biden tussle over differing views on race, immigration, and what it looks like to prepare for a debate.


Candidates raise their hands throughout the night but fail to get any kind of wave going.


Eric Swalwell interrupts Kirsten Gillibrand to deliver her opening statement.


Pete Buttigieg apologizes for police shooting a black man in South Bend but concedes it’ll probably happen again.


Marianne Williamson promises 10% off your next Blue Apron order when you use the promo code MIRACLE.


John Hickenlooper makes case that if Democrats embrace socialism they risk losing to Trump in a slightly different way than they would otherwise.


Michael Bennet apologizes after accidentally introducing himself as Tim Ryan.


Kirsten Gillibrand appeals to women with a front-facing camera video impersonating what girlfriends in movies are like.


Chuck Todd repeatedly interrupts candidates to say he’s being ignored and demands more time to speak.


Kamala Harris accidentally reveals her “That Little Girl Was Me” commemorative shirt minutes before she actually said that onstage.


Michael Bennet finally acknowledges that his last name would indeed look better with two t’s.


Marianne Williamson invites other nine participants back to her Himalayan salt cave for a ritual purification orgy.

Highlights Of The Democratic Primary Debate Day 1

Thursday 1:12pm

Illustration for article titled Highlights Of The Democratic Primary Debate Day 1

On Wednesday night in Miami, Democratic presidential candidates Cory Booker, Julian Castro, Bill de Blasio, John Delaney, Tulsi Gabbard, Jay Inslee, Amy Klobuchar, Beto O’Rourke, Tim Ryan, and Elizabeth Warren participated in the first of two nights of the party’s initial primary debates. The Onion highlights the most important moments of day one of the Democratic primary debates.


In a blatant display of liberal bias MSNBC features 10 Democratic candidates and not a single Republican.


Viewers got a chance to hear what the candidates will interrupt like as president.


Miraculous fundraising emails sent by candidates even as they spoke onstage.


Second hour of the debate delayed after NBC encounters a technical glitch with Jay Inslee’s suspension harness.


Beto O’Rourke betrays some nervousness as he places both arms in front of his face and begs the moderators to stop asking him questions.


President Trump tweets out that despite competing visions for the future of the country, he appreciates a vigorous debate between passionate citizens as being the bedrock of a functioning liberal democracy.


Most candidates pledge to stand up for the people who hate their fucking job but stay for the healthcare.


Cory Booker reaches out to Latin communities by vigorously flamenco dancing with a rose in his teeth.


Everyone in the audience sings “All Creatures Of Our God And King” as the donation plate makes its rounds during the offertory.


Amy Klobuchar touts a more moderate approach where Americans have a choice of whether to opt in to societal progress.


John Delaney stuns in a sexy navy suit and sizzling powder-blue tie ensemble. Show it all off, De-De!

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