June 27, 2022 (NewYorker.com)

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of American women and girls have declared themselves corporations in order to force the United States Supreme Court to grant them rights as people, legal observers have reported.
Attorneys across the nation indicated that they have been swamped by requests from clients seeking to incorporate as soon as possible.
“The Supreme Court decided in 2010 that corporations are people, so all we want is to be treated like corporations, ” Carol Foyler, who now goes by the corporate name FoylerCo L.L.C., said.
The decision by millions of women to incorporate sent shock waves through the Court’s conservative majority, who reportedly scoured the Constitution in vain for a means to circumvent the ingenious tactic.
Even the normally taciturn Clarence Thomas was moved to issue a rare public statement. “It’s a sad day in America when the nation’s highest court is forced to treat women like people,” he wrote.
More Satire from the Borowitz Report
- Trump suggests that Putin should just claim he won.
- Senate Republicans punish Susan Collins by making her sit next to Rand Paul.
- Trump fears Putin is too distracted by Ukraine to help him with his 2024 campaign.
- Elon Musk deletes every Twitter account but his own.
- Ron DeSantis warns that math makes children gay.
- Ketanji Brown Jackson declines Brett Kavanaugh’s invitation to a beer-pong initiation.
- Ted Cruz says the confirmation of a qualified Supreme Court nominee sets a dangerous precedent.
Sign up to receive more news satire by Andy Borowitz in your in-box.

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.