Yesterday 7:00AM (theonion.com)
WASHINGTON—Faced with obstacles to his policy proposals that threatened to derail their passage, President Joe Biden on Tuesday reportedly expressed his concern that his ambitious agenda could be stalled by him not really caring if it happens or not. “I came into office with a mandate to enact big, bold legislation that would improve the lives of everyday Americans, but we still face the significant obstacle of it not particularly mattering to me whether we ever actually do that,” said Biden, warning that campaign promises like eliminating student loan debt, passing large-scale infrastructure reform, and reducing income inequality don’t have a chance of happening if he can’t get himself on board. “We can talk all we want about protecting voting rights or improving our healthcare system, but ultimately it doesn’t matter if I don’t have any real stake in making those changes happen. Frankly, it’s possible we will never get these things across the finish line unless I start to give a shit.” Biden also cautioned that even if he did start ramping up public pressure to enact his ambitious agenda, it could still be stalled in Congress by dozens of Democrats who also don’t give a flying fuck whether or not it ever passes.